Did you ever try a long pole with a net before grabbing it? Had the same thing happen with a sparrow last fall and I used a fish net taped to a broom handle so I never had to touch the damper.

Is it bad that my first thought was wondering if your friend in Denver just didn't want to share the couch? I once got stuck with the small half of the screen for a whole night and spent most of it walking into walls while my buddies got the good view. Online play from your own places might be the easy fix here, minus the snack table.

Does whether you use a saw really matter if the cuts come out clean?