Oh man, the butter thing is wild. I tried it once when I ran out of creamer and felt like I was committing some kind of breakfast crime, but it actually worked way better than it had any right to. That foam on top was genuinely impressive for something that sounds like a prank. The cardamom thing makes sense though, Ive dumped cinnamon in before just to feel fancy and it did mask the burnt taste from my ancient Mr. Coffee. At this point I'm half convinced people are just trying to salvage their terrible grocery store beans with whatever pantry items are within arm's reach.

Fair point but I drilled mine just fine with painters tape over the cut line.

Lol wish my neighbor would warn me before my dog starts tap dancing on gravel.

I see what you're saying about the garlic timing thing, but you got one small detail backwards. Garlic actually takes longer to burn if you add it later in the cooking process because it needs less direct heat to caramelize properly. You want to toss it in early with your oil and let it go slow, not throw it in at the end with everything else. Other than that your point about slowing down is pretty solid though.

Wait hold on, just a small thing - canned beans are literally just pre-cooked dried beans with water and salt, so you're not really saving time, just paying for the water weight and convenience. But yeah, the flavor and texture from dried is way better once you get the hang of it.