but honestly you're just describing a tradeoff where you picked the wrong side... a dirty roommate leaves messes you can see and fix, but a controlling roommate messes with your head in ways you can't scrub away. Sarah's passive aggressive notes and spice rack reorganizing means she's watching everything you do and judging it, which is way worse than stepping over a few dirty plates. The dirty roommate gives you freedom, and that's worth more than any clean countertop. You can close your door and ignore a mess, but you can't ignore someone who thinks they own the thermostat and your seasonings. Brian sounds like a saint compared to that. Pick the mess, every time, because a little grime beats feeling watched in your own home.