Nodded along reading this... I had this ancient toaster from a yard sale once that I swear had a personal vendetta against bagels. It'd scorch the outside and leave the middle cold and doughy every single time, no matter how many times I clicked the lever down. When it finally shorted out and shot a piece of toast across the kitchen like a frisbee, I just stood there laughing. Took it straight to the dump and bought a shiny new one that actually has a cancel button... felt like I upgraded my whole morning routine.